Townie Tales: The Berry Bros

Should really call this one Yuppie Yarns.

Just before departing for Greece a couple weeks back, I popped into a juice spot in a desperate attempt to get vitamins in my body before ten straight days of feta and white wine.

While I’m in there waiting for my beverage, two bros roll in.

Mind you I’ve been called a bro a few times in my day. But these guys were BROS. Early twenties, chubbies, that douche quaff haircut everyone has now, the whole nine.

What was peculiar about these two particular bros however was that Chad and Brad were each carrying a grocery store container of strawberries.

Confidently they strolled up to the counter and without hesitating asked the woman working the register, “Can you wash these strawberries please?” as if that’s a not a psychotic request to make of a random juice purveyor.

Maybe they saw it was a juice place and figured they knew their way around a container of strawberries? I don’t know, but I do know the confused register girl reluctantly took and washed the strawberries. Satisfied, the boys thanked her and departed with their dripping strawberry containers, having ordered nothing.

I found the situation momentarily bizarre but quickly went back to my day. I procured my juice and called an Uber to pick me up at the corner and take me to the airport.

That’s when things got weirder.

There, sitting on the curb, were Chad and Brad, gleefully tearing into their freshly washed strawberries. I chuckled to myself and started to look back down at my phone when I heard some raucous cheering from behind me. I turned and was greeted by the rest of Alpha House rolling up in a smiling blur of pastel, backwards Polo hats and lacrosse flow. Probably seven other bros had suddenly made their appearance known to the delight of their boys on the curb.

The leader of the pack, we’ll call him Thad, daps up one of the strawberry guys and says, “oh shit yeah, you got the berries?!” before tucking into the ripe delights himself. Just like that.

No one was remotely phased by these guys eating loose strawberries on the street. On the contrary, they apparently anticipated it.

Is this some sort of strawberry social? A berry of the month club? I don’t know and not asking those questions will haunt me for the rest of my days.

However, it did give me the most sus/dudes rock moment of my life. Thanks for the content Berry Boys. Until next time…