Let me name your fantasy team (part III)

We are a week into the NFL season, which means this blog is a week late. My bad, I’m in Greece. (Stay tuned for some Abroags btw).

But the show must go on and I must continue the tradition of writing one of my favorite annual blogs. I’m going to name, or rename at this point, your fantasy team.

Reminder: As a personal rule, the name always has to be a play on the name of a player(s) on your roster.

With that said, here are my favorite 10 fantasy names for each position:

Quarterbacks

1. Human Geno Project/Geno 911!/Prince of Geno-via (Geno Smith)
   Had to look up the first one to make sure it wasn’t like a eugenics thing. All clear. If you get the third one let’s hang out.

2. Extreme Makeover: Mahomes Edition (Patrick Mahomes)

3. The Taming of the Minshew (Gardner Minshew)
   Read Shakespeare you uncultured swine.

4. Chevy to the Levis (Will Levis)

5. I’m Ugly and I’m Stroud! (CJ Stroud)
   No disrespect to CJ, a handsome man. Just making bad plays-on-word here.

6. Season of the Nix (Bo Nix)
   Proud of this one — my references are usually very outdated. Don’t start this guy though. Faster Mac Jones.

7. Burrow Drive (Joe Burrow)
   This one really only works if you’re from Boston/in a mostly-Boston league.

8. They not like Russ (Russell Wilson)
   Yeah, they’re probably good at football.

9. *Deep sigh* Hawk Tua (Tua Tagovailoa)

   This name both sucks and probably isn’t much use anymore. Prayers up, Tua.

10. Bryce is Right (Bryce Young)
    If you’re starting this man, the Bryce is most definitely not right.

Running Backs

1. J.K. lol (J.K. Dobbins)
   This one is gonna be less funny when he inevitably blows out his knee for the fifth time. Hoping he stays healthy this year.

2. Gold, Frankincence & Jahmyr (Jahmyr Gibbs).
   Yes, I know that’s not how his last name is pronounced. It’s called creative license.

3. X-Ray Bijan (Bijan Robinson)

4. Hollup, let him Cook (James Cook)
   Seems like this one is gonna be pretty fitting.

5. You Got Moss’d (Zack Moss)

6. Taylor’s Version (Jonathan Taylor)
   Not the last Taylor reference in here.

7. TankSZN/The ShawTank Redemption (Tank Bigsby)
   If you just give up on your team and look towards next year, the player and name are great options.

8. Alvin and the Ship-monks (Alvin Kamara)

9. The Mason-Mixon Line (Jordan Mason & Joe Mixon)
   My current team name! You don’t even need both backs, just Mixon makes it work.

10. I’m just Kenneth (Kenneth Walker III)
    Probably should have thought of this last year.

Wideouts

1. Jakobi-sexual (Jakobi Meyers)
   Just try this one out, see if you like it. It’s ok to experiment…

2. Covet thy Nabers Wife (Malik Nabers)
   That Catholic school education comes in handy. Well that and the affair I’m having with my neighbors’ wife. Suck it Scott, you inattentive bitch!

3. Lazard Cats/Sharks with Lazard Beams (Allen Lazard)
   There are the outdated references we know and love.

4. Fifth of Jameson/Jameson-Ginger (Jameson Williams)

5. Worthy your While/Worthy-Less (Xavier Worthy)
Which name you choose really depends on if you have Xavier Worthy or not.

6. Salt Shakir (Khalil Shakir)

7. Teeanamen Square/What’s the Tee? (Tee Higgins)
Too far/soon for a fantasy team name? Probably. But scared don’t win ships.

8. Reed Between the Lines (Jayden Reed)

9. Don’t Polk the Bear (Ja’Lynn Polk)

10. Javaris Ja’Marr Javarison Lamar (Ja’Marr Chase)

Tight Ends

1. LaPorta-Potty (Sam LaPorta)

2. Likely Story (Isaiah Likely)

3. Moreau of the Story (Foster Moreau)
   Great name, though not sure why you would be starting Foster Moreau.

4. Brock Party (Brock Bowers)

5. Dalton & the Sheriffs (Dalton Kincaid)
   This is apparently a band? If there’s a guy I’m forgetting named Sharif, that would make this even better.

6. 50 Shades of Noah Gray (Noah Gray)

7. Pullin’ Chig (Chig Okonkwo)
   C’mon this is funny.

8. Kittle Corn (George Kittle)
   Play on words and he went to Iowa, so double play!

9. Hard Knox Life (Dawson Knox)

10. *deeper sigh* Hock Tuah (TJ Hockenson)
    Again, I’m not proud of it.

Kickers/DST

1. Sounds Gay, I’m in (Matt Gay)

2. All that Bass (Tyler Bass)

3. Karty B (Joshua Karty)

4. Folklore (Nick Folk)
   Shoutout Swifties again.

5. Yo Ganó (Graham Gano)
   Add an accent and this dude has a sick last name.

6. The Crosby Show (Maxx Crosby, Raiders DST)
   Probably not the most politically correct given the whole…y’know…but it works as a play on words so it’s here now.

7. Meet the Rams (Rams DST)
   Think this is a Drake thing? Idk not a music guy.

8. Cardinal sins (Cardinals DST)
   Catholic education and dating my neighbor Scott’s wife FTW again! Get cucked Scott! Pay more attention to HER needs.

9. Stop the Steel! (Steelers DST)
   We don’t do politics at the Liver, just puns.

10. *slightly softer sigh* Seahawk Tuah (Seahawks DST)
    Ok see this one isn’t bad. If you’re gonna do it, be creative.

If I didn’t come up with one for someone on your team, shoot me a pic of your roster. I gotchu.