EAT LITERAL SHIT FSU HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Alright full disclosure, I had written part of this blog before the game saying how we weren’t good and weren’t gonna win cause we’re BC, but FSU is the worst so we may as well try. Y’know, usual BC stuff.
BUT HOLY SHIT WE WON. FSU SUCKS. DJ UKELELE SUCKS. MIKE NORVELL IS DISCRETELY BALDING. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Befitting our weird ass program, the Eagles kicked off their 2024 campaign on an irrelevant day of the week. Unbefitting (word?) of us, it was a primetime game against a top 10 opponent in Florida State. Recipe for disaster right?
NOPE, WE PUMPED EM!
BC starts the Bill O’Brien era in style, taking down renowned swamp garbage people Florida State. BOB went into Tallahassee sweating in such an oddly dispersed pattern that even I found it bizarre. And I’m the guy who sweated so much the other day helping my girlfriend move that I contemplated just tossing my shirt.
That’s what a ball coach looks like. That’s a winner.
Naturally I took to Twitter to rekindle a year-old beef I had with random FSU Twitter people following our narrow defeat to them in 2023:
Should that have said ‘who’s’? Maybe. Am I one of the greatest grudge holders this world has ever known? Definitely. My girl gets it:
All this is exciting and fun. But what makes beating the most backwoods loser fanbase even sweeter — this guy has to literally eat shit!
Meet 321Nole — the only FSU fan who knows how to count in sequence. He was so confident in his 45-year old QB that he said he would eat dogshit like it’s soft serve if they lost to lowly ol’ BC!
Well guess what dumbass — you fucking lost!
EAT THAT SHIT, EAT THAT SHIT, EAT THAT SHIT.
Unfortunately like all Internet cowards, his mouth wrote a check his…mouth I guess, can’t cash. Here’s the update from renowned college football journalist Jack Mac.
The guy is apparently recently engaged. Ok? Is that supposed to move me? You made a commitment. I feel like your potential wife would want to know if you’re the kind of man who intends to stick to his commitments or not. If I vowed to pledge my life to someone and they refused to eat dog shit they promised to eat depending on the performance of 19-year-olds, I’d have some serious questions about our relationship.
Needless to say, I will not rest until this man eats a spoonful of dog shit on camera. Jack Mac, if you’re reading this, you have the Fatty Liver army and our less than considerable resources behind you.
I’ve got connections in Florida. There’s nowhere this guy can go that I can’t get to him. If you need me to throw my literal weight around, I got you.
Go Eags!
