Phone it in Friday
Got off to such a hot start today and now here I am, sitting in bed, watching Only Murders in the Building and digesting a weird tuna wrap I made because I’ve been too lazy to get groceries. God I am SO back. Let’s go:
Sad life snippets
Whenever I would stop on the side of the road during the Pan-Mass (I rode the Pan-Mass, basically cured cancer, you’re welcome) flies would incessantly swarm just me. Reasonable chance they thought I was either dead or very close to it.
If I’m being really honest with myself, I think some people who encounter me during my morning walks believe I’m homeless. I’m always wearing sweat shorts that only painters and meth heads wear and either a tank top or some stained tee shirt. Plus my hair is usually pretty messy, I haven’t showered, and I frequently have untreated open wounds I’m just ignoring. I should maybe take more pride in my appearance now that I think about it.
I need to get to a weight where people stop ceding shotgun to me by default. It’s nice to have the extra space but it’s starting to get demoralizing.
Some of you environmental twerps will get on my ass about this but I don’t give a fuck about bees dying. I was trying to enjoy a picnic the other week and a bee kept buzzing around my drink and bugging the shit out of me. What are you going to do with a hard seltzer anyways dude? If we as a society can’t survive without bees then do we really deserve to survive at all?
Went to 7/11 to get a post-workout Slurpee, as one does, and right when I finished pouring it I realized I didn’t have my wallet. I don’t enough confidence to use Apple Pay on my phone so I just panicked, chugged as much of the Slurpee as I could until I got brain freeze, then tossed it and bounced without buying anything. Saved me some calories at least.
My therapist rescheduled a session with me because her AC was busted and she knew I wouldn’t like the heat. She only rescheduled my session, not her other patients. Nice gesture, but my God I need to get it together.
I have very weird emotions i.e. I won’t really react if I see something sad on the news, but I will actively tear up at deli counters because of the effort that went into curing the prosciutto. Anyways, I was buzzed at a family event the other day, as one is, and watched the Sox execute a really pretty defensive play and briefly teared up at the beauty of the game.
Since my boycott of Uber Eats began, I’ve begun using Doordash as my default delivery service. Only problem with it is they give you the opportunity to Double Dash your order, which means you place your order and then you can add an additional order from somewhere nearby with no extra delivery fees. I’m just trying to order $20 worth of Wendy’s a salad for dinner and then I’m confronted with the prospect of an entire Oreo Cheesecake — I’m going to add that 10 times out of 10.
Every time I start eating healthier I feel a lot better physically (shocker) but I find that it’s a little bit more difficult to go #2 because my body isn’t panicking to eliminate toxins before they do real damage. My solution to this has been to mix in a really shitty meal every few days to keep the system working at full speed. I fully believe there is medical merit to this approach.
That’s a wrap! Going to get back to more traditional blogging next week cause these video edits are killing me. Someday I’ll be able to hire a guy for that. Need a few different guys to really make this thing hum. Can never have enough guys. Enjoy the weekend, you earned it probably!
