Phone it in Friday
Nursing a wine hangover in the late afternoon. Don’t get old kids.
Here are some stupid thoughts:
What I’m pondering today
I’ve gone to multiple dinners in the past few weeks where it’s just a big group of women and me as the lone guy and it’s infuriating. Everyone shows up whenever they want as if they’ve never heard of a reservation, they take like 45 minutes to gossip and go to the bathroom 6 times before we’ve even gotten our drinks, and seemingly don’t realize we have to order food at some point. I’m not sure anyone even looked at the menu for 20 minutes after we were seated.
While we’re on the subject, I’ve had like 15 girls complain to me that their tummy hurts in the past month. Yeah, same. You don’t hear me whining about it. Of course your stomach is screwed up. We all drink too much and eat a diet where the bottom rung of the food pyramid is chicken fingers. Your intestines are screaming in pain. Either change your habits or have discreet diarrhea and go on about your day like the rest of us.
I’ve noticed I always type God with a capital ‘G’ even when used in the middle of sentences. As if that will save me from going to hell.
How do people go through certain meals and not spill on themselves? Like if it’s a steak, I get it cause you spear the piece of food you’re eating. But pasta is pretty much a craps shoot no? I’d say I spill food on myself at about 1/3 of all meals I eat.
Let me preface this by saying I fully believe in evolution. Having said that, how the fuck does evolution work? Like let’s say an animal uses their feet a lot for digging into the ground. So over millions of years of doing that, eventually the animal evolves to have feet that are optimized for digging. But how does its body know to do that? The DNA is like aware of the problem and adjusts itself accordingly? If it’s like two groups of lizards exist, one is green and one is bright pink, and the green one survives cause it can better hide from predators I get it. But the feature adaptations make zero sense. And how did Darwin even come up with all this? He was staring at finches for like 20 minutes and somehow pieced together a process that takes millions of years to unfold? I call cap.
Sad life snippets
I took my Airpods out of their case today and the right one was coated in dried blood. Sincerely hope it’s mine.
Saw a guy with one of those bikes that can fold up into itself so it’s super easy to carry around when you aren’t riding it. A great idea and a very practical thing to have if you bike a lot but I just wanted to punch him in the face for some reason.
Sometimes I’ll get a random cramping pain that I’m pretty sure is an organ getting mad at me, but I just kind of ignore it until it goes away.
I mentioned last week that I wear a cowboy hat to intramural kickball games to solidify myself as a try-hard douchebag. Anyways, I’m walking back from a game this week with the hat on and pass a guy who was always wearing one, only he was doing so un-ironically. As this is a rarity in a northern city, I touched the brim and nodded deeply at the man. Dude just walked right past me without a glance. That’s simply no way to treat a fellow cowboy. Thought it would be like a Jeep wave thing.
I Googled the word gun a lot this week for my blog about Ja Morant and Jack Jones getting in trouble for their gun ownership. Now I keep getting targeted ads to join the concealed carry society which I can’t imagine has a big membership up in ol’ Boston. Might join and be like “oh I got a concealed weapon all right,” then gesture towards my pants.
Have a great weekend! Maybe July will feel like summer.
