I’m sorry, I thought this was America?
So there’s been a lot of talk in the sports world the past few months about athletes and their gun ownership. Specifically Memphis Grizzlies star Ja Morant, who was caught brandishing a gun for no particular reason not once, but TWICE on Instagram Live.
When seeing these shenanigans, I had the same reaction most people did. Ja was behaving stupidly and needs to understand the position he’s in as a mega-star and keep the guns off camera, or, ideally, not own guns. The NBA is right to suspend him and he needs to take accountability and demonstrate that he’s learned from this. There’s absolute no excuse for this kind of behavior from anyone, let alone a sports icon. Just a horrible, unforgivable example to set for the kids of this country.
Then a few weeks later, this happened:
What in the fresh hell is this bullshit? When this headline came across my Twitter timeline I nearly spit out the coffee I was drinking from my Patriots mug all over my framed portrait of Tom Brady. I could literally feel the pangs of injustice rising from deep down inside me, as I read this so-called “news.” We’re just going around arresting young and promising athletes for legally owning property now?
Should I be learning Russian or Chinese right now? Since when is it illegal to bring loaded guns onto a plane? Actually, you know what? Show me the law. Show me that law that says it’s illegal to bring firearms on a commercial flight.
Ahh. Shit.
Ok, ok but wait. That says when an individual is attempting to board an aircraft. Jack Jones wasn’t boarding anything yet, he was just going through TSA. Show me the law that says you can’t carry loaded guns on your way to get a Wahlburger in Terminal C, then you’ll have him dead to rights.
Also, what set of laws is this even from? You always hear about something being “against federal law” but what actually is federal law? Anyone ever seen a book called “Federal Laws?” I sure haven’t. You know what I have seen though?
Boom. Second Amendment bitch. Last I checked, we’re allowed to own guns in this country and bring them wherever the hell we want. Plus this law is much older and in a cooler document, therefore it supercedes any dumb law those losers at the TSA can come up with.
Given that the burden of proof is on the prosecution, I think I’ve cast sufficient doubt to get these sham charges thrown out and get Jack Jones back on the field. But in the highly unlikely event that is not the case and this does proceed to trial, I’ve come up with several plausible explanations as to why Jack Jones was wholly justified in bringing two 9mm Glocks onto a Delta flight.
1. He grabbed the wrong bag
His own defense attorney clearly states that he had no intention of bringing the guns to the airport. It’s a classic case of grabbing the wrong luggage. Jack, like all of us, probably has multiple identical bags of pre-packed luggage sitting by his door at all times. He simply picked the wrong bag that had an entirely different weight to it. Happens to the best of us. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve accidentally brought a bag of explosives on an Amtrak thinking it was clothes. Totally understandable mistake.
2. He was framed
Did someone pull an Ocean’s Eleven type bag switch on him? Not saying that’s definitely what happened, but also not not saying that. Maybe a certain franchise in upstate New York is scared of the Patriots developing young defense. Can’t stand the thought of their golden boy QB throwing at a ball-hawking defender. So maybe some of the fine folks up in bleaksville take a break from living in barren squalor all year to perfect the art of the switcheroo. Just check to see if there was any buffalo sauce on the bag — that’s their calling card.
3. He was protecting his fellow passengers
How do we know that Jack Jones isn’t an undercover air marshall? Or some sort of super spy? Maybe he had information about a potential terrorist attack and was trying to thwart it. Let’s wait until the facts come out before we all jump to conclusions about this likely American hero.
Also he had two guns, which to me demonstrates forethought and practicality. What if one of the guns gets wet or another passenger forgot his glock at home? This just speaks to Jones’ responsibility and kind heartedness. He is always ready to lend a hand(gun).
4. Belichick is trying him out at QB
Nothing Bill Belichick loves more than position versatility. What better way to see if Jones could serve as a potential gunslinger than by having him literally sling guns. The old ball coach still got it.
In summation, this is a bullshit, possibly racially-motivated arrest that sets a horrible precedent. It flies directly in the face of our most fundamental freedoms and violates our sacred American right to be strapped up in Economy+. So before you rush to judgement or condemn Jack Jones as a common criminal, ask yourself this: do you want to live in an America where you can’t be armed to the teeth on a flight to Denver? I sure as hell don’t. Good luck to Jack Jones and God bless America.
