Fuck it, Hop down there somewhere
The Arizona Cardinals, among the NFL’s most irrelevant franchises, made a splash for once when they dropped a major piece of football news this afternoon:
DeAndre Hopkins, aka D-Hop, aka Hop aka a superstar all-world wide receiver has been released by the Cards and is now free to sign with whatever team he chooses. As a fan of a team with approximately zero good wideouts, I was thrilled when I saw the news then immediately sad when I realized he won’t sign with us because we either won’t pay him or he won’t be enticed by the prospect of getting drilled in the ankles 6 times a game by an errant Mac Jones screen pass.
Regardless, my text chat with a few high school buddies where we mostly shoot the shit about sports and rarely put together a coherent sentence immediately started buzzing about the news. In particular, we began riffing off the now-famously memed Kyler Murray phrase, “Hop down there somewhere.”
For those whose existence has meaning, and therefore may not be familiar with obscure NFL jokes, Kyler Murray, the Cardinals current and Hopkins’ former QB, completed a miraculous Hail Mary touchdown in the closing seconds of a regular season game to defeat the Buffalo Bills a couple years back.
I can’t post the video cause the NFL is scared of people sharing their product for some reason, but you can watch it here.
After the game, Murray commented on the miraculous play on his personal Twitter:
It was a hilarious tweet that is now immortalized in the form of football memes, with the caption slightly altered to read, “Fuck it, Hop down there somewhere.”
Now with Hop on the market, the fellas and I naturally started making up scenarios for what would happen if various current and former quarterbacks did in fact have Hop down there somewhere. You see where I’m going with this...
Mac Jones
“Fuck it, Hop down there somewhere!”
*Throws the ball directly at a linebacker he didn’t see standing right in front of him, and walks off the field as the home crowd chants his backup’s name*
Tua Tagovailoa
“Fuck it, Hop down there s…”
*Takes a helmet-to-helmet hit directly in the temple from Myles Garrett, misses entire season*
Aaron Rodgers
“…”
*Doesn’t see or hear anything because he’s still doing his weird hippie darkness retreat*
Zach Wilson
*murmuring* “They have to pay me that amount even if I do a bad job.”
*Covers up tears with dumb headband then goes to hookup with someone’s mom*
Nathan Peterman
“Fuck it, Hop down there somewhere!”
*Somehow throws an interception from the bench*
Joe Burrow
“Fuck…”
*Offensive line lets 3 guys through immediately, gets sacked for a loss of 12*
Lamar Jackson
“Fuck it, Hop down there somewhere! Hop, block someone!”
*Forgoes a wide open touchdown pass for a 12 yard QB scramble*
Ben Roethlisberger
“Fuck it, Hop down there somewhere!”
*Arm literally falls off as he attempts to release the ball*
Deshaun Watson
“See, Hop’s down there. Why can’t you go down there too baby?”
- Watson speaking to an increasingly concerned massage therapist
Trevor Lawrence
“Fuck it, Hop down there somewhere!”
*Hair completely covers his eyes as he throws the ball backwards out of bounds*
Ryan Tannehill
“Fuck it, Hop down there somewhere!”
*Stands in the pocket to decide whether he’s good or not today before he throws the ball*
Andrew Luck
“Fuck it.”
*Abruptly retires*
Davis Mills
“Fuck it, Hop down there somewhere! Specifically the back left corner of the end zone between two defenders”
*Surveys the entire field with his giant giraffe neck then eats leaves from the top of a nearby tree*
Phil Rivers
“Somebody say fuck?”
*Impregnates his wife for like the 15th time*
Patrick Mahomes
“Fuck it, Hop down there somewhere!”
*Throws ball 60 yards behind his back on a line directly into the chest of DeAndre Hopkins while being sacked with his eyes closed and a broken arm*
Russell Wilson
“Oh fudge it, Hop is down there somewhere!”
*Gets picked off at the goal line to lose the Super Bowl again*
Jimmy Garoppolo
“Fuck it, Hop down there somewhere!”
*Overthrows Hop by 10 yards but is still crazy hot and prolly has a 8-9 inch hog so it doesn’t matter*
Michael Vick
“Hop got that dawg in him. Speaking of dogs…”
*Gets the old band back together*
Daniel Jones
“Fuck it, Hop down ther…woah!”
*Trips over his own feet while moving outside the pocket and ends up at the bottom of a cartoonish dogpile that’s just an animated cloud of dust with fists and legs occasionally darting out*
Tony Romo
“Is Hop down there somewhere? Ehhhhh I don’t know Jim ahhhhuuhhh.”
*Continues making indecisive high-pitched noises until Jim Nantz shoots him in the throat*
Alex Smith
*cracking noises*
*Breaks leg in half, almost dies*
Jared Goff
“Fuck it, Hop down there somewhere!”
*idk maybe he completes it. He’s so average*
Jordan Love
“Fuck, I have to play now?”
*Desperately tries to remember how to play football*
Justin Fields
“Fuck it, I’m doing it myself!”
*Sprints 75 yards for a dazzling touchdown run in a 48-7 loss*
Kirk Cousins
“Darn it, Hop must be down there somewhere!”
*Throws a simple 4-yard out on 4th and 19 because it’s the safe play*
Matt Ryan
“Fuck it, Hop down there somewhere!”
*Blows 28-3 lead*
Cam Newton
“FŪÇK ÏT, HØ₽ DØ₩Ñ THĒRĒ ŠØMĒ₩HĒRĒ”
*Steals Hop’s laptop*
Jameis Winston
“Fuck it, Hop down there somewhere…I think.”
*Genuinely can’t see more than 5 yards downfield but throws it up for grabs regardless*
Derek Carr
“Fuck it, Hop.. oww my eyes!”
*Sweat causes eyeliner to run into his eyes, temporarily blinding him*
Geno Smith
“Fuck it, Hop down there some…!”
*Realizes Hop wrote him off and refuses to write back*
Matt Stafford
“Fuck it, Hop down there somewhere!”
*Ignores the open deep man and throws 16 passes to white guys over the middle*
Literally whoever is running Kyle Shanahan’s Offense
“Fuck it, Hop’s in the backfield*
*Perfectly executes 35-yard end around where Christian McCaffrey is the lead blocker*
Kyler Murray
“Fuck it, Hop down there somew…oh wait shit.”
*Reluctantly throws to Hollywood Brown before getting bored and returning to his Xbox*
Haha this was so fun. Good luck to DeAndre wherever he ends up. (Please come to the Patriots, they need you. I need you.)
