Onion Audition: “The burnout is real,” says man working out of a bar
FLANAGAN’S PUB — An area man is feeling “exhausted and just totally burnt out” despite his hybrid working environment. Chris Makulsky, an employee at Aspen Communications, claims that while his work-from-home arrangement offers more flexibility and freedom, it has taken a significant toll on his mental health.
Speaking to us via Zoom at noon on a Wednesday from Flanagan’s Pub, Makulsky, 28, alleges that his corporate employer just “doesn’t get it” with regards to their work-from-home policy.
“Yeah it’s obviously sick to not have to wake up at the asscrack of dawn (8:30 AM), throw on a monkey suit (jeans and a polo), and sit through that God awful commute (3 subway stops). But at the same time, I’m expected to just hang in my room all day and work? This is my personal space to unwind and de-stress from the work day. How can I do that when it doubles as my office?”
Makulsky says the line between work and home has become so blurred in recent weeks that he’s started setting up shop at a local watering hole, taking all his work calls from the barstool he has come to think of as his desk chair.
“It’s just a really stressful situation,” he says between sips of his 5th Yuengling in the last 2 hours.
“I have to basically mantain the facade that I’m working at home or in a coffee shop. That means blurring the background so you can’t see the yabos on the neon St. Pauli Girl behind me and investing in noise cancelling headphones to block out the sound of David Guetta’s “I’m Good (Blue),” which plays 45 times an hour here.”
The Tolland, Connecticut native also alleges that his work responsibilities prevent him from fully enjoying the experience of the bar, noting, “It just feels like I’m always on call during the weekdays, you know? If I’m at a bar, I just want to be present at the bar. I don’t want to have to check my email or think about work while I’m here. Also there’s literally no sports on during the day. It’s always either college softball or re-runs of M*A*S*H.”
Asked what his employer could do to better support his work-from-home needs, Makulsky had this to say:
“Just support man. Financial, emotional, everything. How the hell do they expect me to afford 5 buffalo chicken wraps and 25 beers a week on the salary they’re paying me? These old school corporate-types just don’t understand the way the world is now or the needs of the modern employee.”
Aspen Communications could not be reached for comment, though Makulsky’s contract was terminated 7 minutes after our first email was delivered.
