Phone it in Friday

Mar 31

Writing this in bed at a very weird angle that is definitely exacerbating what I’m pretty sure is a severely torn back muscle.

Not sure why boxing is my go-to physical activity…

Cross-Continent Bike Race. You start in NY, ride to a boat in Boston, jump off onto a peloton, ride in place like a jogger at a crosswalk, then hop off in Europe and finish the ride.
Nature show show. It’s a docuseries that films nature shows as they film nature. It’s mostly just making fun of a guy doing a closeup on grass to film a praying mantis rubbing its hands together.
The 7 Sins Experience. It’s a 7-story nightclub where each floor is a different sin. Gluttony is a buffet. Pride is a bunch of mirrors and the compliment forest from Kendall Roy’s birthday party. And lust is…probably illegal. We’ll workshop that one.
BitCon. I sell you fake BitCoin then disappear to Tahiti.

How does anyone get away with any crime? The amount of hair I’d be leaving at a crime scene is shocking. My body sheds like a snake.
When Jack buys magic beans from that troll or whatever by the bridge, that was definitely just like a euphemism for crack right? Like Jack was for sure a crackhead.
If someone asked me to define the word ‘bittersweet’ I would just say it’s like when a homeless guy has a puppy.
I shudder to think what my Wii Fitness age is these days. Gotta be pushing 70 by now.

I’m 27 years old and I still can’t clip my toenails straight with a nail clipper. No idea how people do it.
My Apple Watch started buzzing the other day because I had apparently hit my exercise goal for the day. I had literally just walked around for a half hour. Aim low kids.
To that end, I checked my exercise tracker during a long walk and my heart rate was at 111 BPM just from speed walking. The fuck?
Got absolutely flamed at the B’s game the other day. I’m ripping a piss at the urinal and see all these clear plastic dividers between each urinal. I assume they were put in for COVID, but as far as privacy dividers go they were pretty useless. So some guy a few urinals down makes a comment about it and I say “yeah why not just make them opaque?” And he responds, “Opaque? The fuck are you, an interior designer or some shit?” NEVER use a word above a third grade level at a Bs game. That’s on me.

Back hurts and I want Mac n Cheese. Those two things aren’t correlated, just letting you know what’s going on. Have a great weekend!

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