Holy shit do I have a backlog of these. Honestly don’t know why I never made the time to write them these past few months. It's literally just random stuff that happened to me. I’m gonna ration them out over a few weeks though so I don’t have to keep deliberately putting myself in odd situations for unpopular blog content. Here we go:

Sad life snippets

• The elevator in my building is notoriously shitty — super slow, buttons don’t work, out of service half the time, etc. Anyways, the other day (3 months ago) it wasn’t coming when called on the first floor. However, it WOULD come when called to every other floor, including the basement. As I only live on the third floor, one would think my recourse would be to walk up two flights of stairs whilst the elevator was being screwy. I think we all know that’s not how it went down. Instead of giving my heart even a modicum of exercise, I opted to walk DOWN the stairs to the basement to take the elevator up to the third. That’s commitment to laziness.

• I was eating one of my coveted solo breakfasts at a diner in the North End and was really happy about my meal and how it looked. Took out my phone to take a pic of it to send to my girlfriend but noticed a huge guy ina. Carhartt jacket was staring at me and I didn’t want to seem like a douche so I put the phone away in shame and just ate my eggs in silence.

• Went to one of those bullshit trendy Instagram restaurants where they don’t advertise the name of the restaurant out front or make any effort to get business. It’s a essential a very accessible speakeasy. Anyways, in keeping with the bullshit Instagram theme, all of their portions are like five individual raviolis with a garnish that can only be viewed at the molecular level. Thus, I had to suffer the indignity of having the waitress clear my plate when she came over to ask “how our first bites were tasting.” This cost me north of $100 for just me btw.

• Some random dude stopped me on the street a few months back in visible emotional distress. I asked if he was alright and he explained that he had just gotten fired from a job for hitting a coworker after the coworker called him a racial slur. He said he needed money to pay for his child support or something and was now going to come up short. The story and the way the guy was telling it (way over the top at points) kind of sounded like bullshit to me to be honest or like it was rehearsed. However, I’m a softie at heart and he seemed like a nice enough guy and if that story was in fact true then that sucks. So I opted to Venmo the guy like $10 because I felt bad, even knowing it was likely a grift, because I would just piss it away gambling anyways. However, I would be lying if I said that it didn’t cross my mind that this could be one of those videos where they film an actor asking people for help to test the decency of humanity and I was not going to be on the wrong side of that. Spoiler: I looked at his past Venmo transactions and given that they include supportive messages from strangers dating back several months, I’m going to assume it was a con. Solid effort on the performance though, guy definitely had some light theater training.

• I’ve mentioned before on here that I lie about inconsequential shit for no reason at all. Like I’ll be honest with you about anything important or impactful to my or your life but I’ll just make up dumb shit to strangers cause I’m bored and there’s no consequences. I was wearing a BC hockey shirt when I checked into the Pan-Mass and the lady at the desk asked if I used to play hockey. Despite having skated less than 100 times in my life and being about 20 lbs heavier than the heaviest active NHL player, I confidently said yes and that I miss it. It’s fun to pretend.

• Brought my dad into the shop when I went to visit my produce guy, (I have a produce guy), and he thought we were brothers. My dad is 60 years old. Good luck selling those cremini mushrooms without ol’ George’s business.

• Adulthood definitely sucks some times (working, paying taxes/insurance, can feel myself rotting from the inside), but the freedom of it is so sick. I went to the store the other day to buy eggs and got Toaster Strudel and a Spongebob popsicle BECAUSE I CAN. No one is there to stop me except a concerned call from my mom about five minutes after she reads this.

• I’m starting to realize that my general stature is frightening to both children and adults 5’2” and under. I was getting out of the elevator the other day and a girl who was like 5’0” started walking in not expecting me to be there and she jumped back a full foot. Now it could have just been the surprise of someone appearing unexpectedly but some little kid saw me coming on the street and stared like Shrek was lumbering by.

• The four times a year I use my $100/month gym membership, I keep my phone in my pocket while I’m boxing so it can track my steps and movement. When I got home and went to plug it in, it gave me that message that it can’t charge because there’s water damage in the charging port. I was confused until I realized that I was sweating so much that it soaked through my shorts and damaged my phone. Am I dying?

Not proof reading any of that, I’m so back.