Energizing the Eagles: I miss the bye week
My God, this season is still happening? For one precious week we were deprived of BC football and got treated to a masterclass in college football between Tennessee & Bama. Now the vacation is over, and we have to suffer through the last few games of the year. Wait… we’re only halfway through the schedule?! Christ…
This is the hard half of our schedule too. Half of our remaining opponents are ranked. But I’m sure BC is up for the challenge! Let’s check back in on our beloved Eagles:
Oh yeah, we suck. Hmm… this might not be very fun. Can’t we just treat it like NCAA Football the video game and auto-sim the rest? Actually, yeah fuck this. That’s what we’re doing:
Week 7: #13 Wake Forest - 42, BC - 17
Tomorrow’s game. I’m actually in the Carolinas rn watching my roommate Andrew’s alma mater, the South Carolina ContestPenises Gamecocks take on Texas A&M. Obviously I won’t be attending the BC game as well and for good reason. While I’m watching the Gamecocks, BC will be getting their gamecocks kicked in by the only school whiter than BC. Seriously, if I were casting a “Snobs vs. Slobs” movie, the first place I’d look for casting the snobs is Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Even the town name sounds pretentious. Winston Salem is the heir to a mining fortune derived entirely from questionable labor practices.
Week 8: BC - 27, UConn - 24 (5 OT)
Please just beat UConn. The game is on the road in Storrs for some reason, which sounds like a military outpost you get sent to as a last resort before being dishonorably discharged. UConn is actually semi-competent this year because of good coaching so this one is far from a gimme. Granted, BC vs. the Northeast Clown College would be a toss-up.
Week 9: Duke - 35, BC - 32
Friday night lights at Alumni. What could be better besides thousands of other things? We actually could win this one in theory. Duke is good, not great. But we’re terrible, not bad so there’s that. I feel like we find a way to screw up late and drop a nail-biter.
Week 10: #23 NC State - 28, BC - 10
Only reason it isn’t a complete destruction is because NC State’s QB is done for the year. But we play like shit against them and they make a point to beat us down every year. Easy L.
Week 11: Notre Dame wins. Didn’t catch the final score cause I got lost in Marcus Freeman’s eyes.
I would actually probably be going to this game if it wasn’t very close to Thanksgiving, BC football had a shred of shame or self-respect, and South Bend, Indiana wasn’t a shitty patch of freezing farmland the Catholics decided to settle on presumably because everything else was already taken. Notre Dame blows this year, but we blow so much worse. Speaking of blowing, the prospect of seeing Marcus Freeman on the sideline makes this game semi-watchable on tv.
God…so hot.
Week 12: #14 Syracuse - 27, BC - 7
Yeah Syracuse is good now. Who knew? This is essentially an away game because it’s on Thanksgiving weekend, which means all the students/alumni will be home with family, and Syracuse fans will probably make the drive down to experience any place other than Syracuse, New York in the winter. If depression were a place it would be Syracuse.
Alright, that’ll do it. No need to watch the rest of the season now. Not that there ever was. Another year of getting worse with the exact same roster somehow. The BC special. See you in 2023 where BC hopes to come up 2 wins short of a coveted bid to the Gasparilla Bowl. Go Eags!
