Phone it in Friday
Sitting on a plane behind two people who are bad at sitting down and keep drilling my laptop with every slight movement so I need the distraction before I start punching backs of heads. Let’s dive in:
Sad life snippets
My girlfriend pointed out a poster for a local Greek festival a while back and said we should go. I got all excited as I enjoy the smell of grilled meats and the sight of multiple fat guys standing around commenting on the meat while smoking and mistreating their wives. However, I realized I was going to be away on vacation during that weekend and immediately got pissed that I was going to miss the festival. I was going to Greece. I was mad at missing a Greek festival to be in Greece.
Tweaked my hamstring walking the other day. Not speed walking. Not stepping up abruptly. Just walking.
Was at CVS and they had a lock on the ice cream freezer for some reason so I had to suffer the humiliation of pressing the call button to have an employee give me access to Ben N Jerry’s. Making matters worse, the employee who showed up was a 4’8” asian woman who couldn’t reach the lock so I had to unlock the door myself. Making matters somehow worse, I couldn’t figure out how to unlock the lock so a second guy had to come and do it. Took about 5 minutes all in.
Briefly lost my ID (it was in my wallet, just not where I usually keep it) and went to the only bar in Boston that actually cards me. I told the bouncer I couldn’t find my ID. He looks me up and down and goes “Shit you hairy as a motherfucker, you 21. Us fat boys gotta stick together.” Game recognize game.
Was down in Florida with the fam and we kept going to cash only bars. Since a lot of the North End is cash only, I usually have a couple hundo on me at any given time. My dad didn’t have any cash and there was a line for the ATM so I offered to pay. Of course I took the chance to big time him as much as possible, patting him on the shoulder and saying he’ll find work soon and someone will recognize his talents. He did not love it.
I recently realized that I’m essentially a sociopath at work. Not a big fan of getting on calls or making small talk. I just like to get my work done and chill. However, being an aloof asshole isn’t conducive to long term career advancement so I’ve learned to mirror other people’s behavior and emotions in order to better endear myself to them. If you’re upset about some inconsequential font issue, then damn it so am I.
Probably shouldn’t put this out into the world but I think I would be the easiest guy to hack ever. The other day I woke up while sleep talking and realized I was saying my social security number out loud. I swear that’s a true story.
Ate an Airhead like a granola bar on the train the other day. Had it sticking halfway out the wrapper and was just munching on it casually.
Girlfriend got me an advent calendar at the beginning of December, but I got impatient and just ate every day by like the 12th.
Speaking of the old ball and chain, she occasionally gets upset at me for not being overly emotional and/or having no feelings other than gambling anger. Not the first girl to bring this to my attention. Anyways, I was mentioning how I recently cried while watching a video of Luke Kuechly getting a concussion and tearing up knowing his career was almost over, and she got annoyed at me. You watch this and try not to tear up:
If this plane goes down mention this blog to the local news, they’ll eat it up. “He just wanted to bring joy to people. He had 5-10 good years left.” In lieu of flowers I’ll take long shot parlays in the casket. If not, see y’all for a Severance recap Monday!
