I’ve known about this for years, but figured now that this blog serves an audience of 6,200 people globally (6,100 are from the US), it’s time to address it.

I bear a striking resemblance to Saudi Arabian Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman.

Though I was trying to keep this lookalike under wraps and hope nobody ever put two and two together, it became a situation I had to get out in front of when I noticed this blog’s growing popularity in the Middle East.

Those two guys will take my silence as complicity and I can not disappoint my growing audience of what I assume is expats working at an oil refinery.

But yeah, it’s true. This guy is my long lost brother.

But while I’ve always known we looked alike, I’ve never really taken the time to understand if we are alike. After digging into it a bit, we do have some similarities.

• We both seem indifferent to the fact that our beards grow irregularly up onto our cheeks

• We both have our issues with journalists, though to varying degrees. I get annoyed with sports talk radio personalities sometimes. MBS just full-on murders them.

• We’ve both done very well for ourselves financially — our combined net worth is $25,000,000,386.

• We’re both willing to spend ungodly amounts of money to make our sports teams better. Granted, he’s spending his own money but same idea.

However there are some key differences that need to be highlighted as well.

• I do NOT do well in the heat, whereas MBS lives in a desert

• I prefer to dress casual, usually shorts and a tee, while MBS is covered head to toe

  • Granted, he’s doing so for religious reasons but I’m not religious so there’s another differentiator

• He comes from actual royalty whereas my family is only considered royalty at the local roast beef shop

• I’ve definitely tortured less people

So what do I do knowing that I essentially have a twin who’s ten years older than me and leads a brutal authoritarian regime? The way I see it, I have two options:

1. Dress up in a very accurate, yet equally problematic Halloween costume

2. Do a Parent Trap

I think me and MBS switch lives for a few months. People already say I look like I’m in my mid-thirties so the age difference won’t be a red flag. Me suddenly being able to speak fluent Arabic may raise a few eyebrows though.

But I think it could work. MBS gets to spend a little time away from the pressures of being a royal, despotic leader. This is an opportunity for him to unwind, relax, and now that I think about it, probably gather crucial intel about America…ok maybe this is a bad idea.

For my part, I’ll post up in a palace, get the good sports package so I don’t miss any of my games, use most of my money to buy every Boston sports team, and circumvent the salary cap to acquire the best players.

Oh and I’ll probably want to give women and gay people equal rights and stop murdering dissenters. Yeah, I’ll do that one first.

There you have it. A look at my freakishly similar doppelgänger and the main reason why I can never go anywhere near the Middle East.