Million Dollar Idea: Low-Density Oat Milk
I have a lot of dumb (genius?) business ideas stored up in my phone from over the years. Some of them are objectively stupid, but funny. Some of them aren’t very funny, but would actually work.
This one falls somewhere in the middle.
For context, I’m a big oat milk guy. Love it in my coffee, use it in place of cream in recipes to pretend I’m making it healthy before dumping in 4 cups of shredded cheddar, and sometimes just rip a shot of it when I’m too lazy to refill the Britta.
So today I’m getting a late afternoon Dunks to ensure a fitful, restless sleep later on, and I get my usual: medium iced w/ just OM (I say it enough that it helps to abbreviate it).
Do I feel embarrassed to order OM at a Dunks? Yes, a bit.
Am I scared to order it in more Boston-y type areas (i.e. Peabody, or Eastie) for fear of being made fun of? Yes, a lot.
Thankfully today the guy in front of me got a black iced coffee with 5 pumps of caramel, which, first off, is diabetes waiting to happen, and secondly, defeats the purpose of ordering a black iced coffee. May as well load that thing up with cream or sweetened condensed milk — you’re not living long anyways so enjoy your time while you got it.
But I digress.
Anyways, this is what I get:
It was a North Shore dunks so they had their shit together. Gave me a good amount of OM and the coffee was as mediocre as ever. However, look at that oat milk. Get coffee w/ oat milk from anywhere in the country and that will be the result. It just sinks to the bottom every time.
Not the fault of the coffee purveyor, it’s simply the nature of the beast. Oat Milk is just a thick, viscous liquid with a much higher density than coffee.
Thus, my proposal is simple: make lower density oat milk.
Now I don’t know the first thing about density other than I have a lot of it, so I’m not going to figure this one out myself. But if any of you science nerds are out there grinding away in the lab, trying to discover a new element or get a disease named after yourself for some reason, this could be a fun side hustle.
Either make it the same density as coffee or even just slightly heavier so I don’t have to make a whirlpool to incorporate it. We put a man on the moon, (or did we? — stay woke), pretty sure we can knock this one out over lunch.
