Brain dump: A quick rant on plane recliners

Introducing: Brain Dump. A new series where I drop wisdom while dropping heat. Blogs written in their entirety on the john.

Ok, so I’m sitting here dealing with the apparent results of eating only leftover pork chops and extra toasty Cheez-Its today, and I’m stewing mad about something that happened to me yesterday.

I was in Florida for a little over a week enjoying my family, the sunshine, and bars whose happy hours are just their hours of operation. Needless to say, I was relaxed and in a good mood. But, like all good things, the vacation had to come to end and it was time to head back to reality.

My flight was EARLY Monday morning. Like, “I boarded the plane while it was still dark out” early. I arrived at the function before the sun. That’s how early it was.

I’m not complaining. I booked the flight and understood it would be slightly annoying to wake up at 4AM. Gotta do what you gotta do to not get ass blasted with a $600 round trip fee just to be with your family on Easter.

I figured maybe I get a little work done or just sneak a few extra hours of sleep and slide seamlessly back into my routine in Mass.

Then I got to my seat.

There I am nestled into 23F, when I notice this particular plane had pretty limited legroom, which wasn’t a problem until we reached cruising altitude. The INSTANT the fasten seatbelt sign goes off and the plane turns into a purge of people dropping tray tables and whipping out personal electronic devices, the douchelord in front of me reclines his seat almost to an 180 degree angle and settles comfortably into my lap.

Here’s a photo of my setup post-recline:

If it’s not clear from the photo, my laptop could no longer sit open on my tray table unless the top half was wedged into the seat in front of me and the bottom was jammed into my gut. That’s how far this dude reclined. And yes, I know if I just lost a few pounds this would be less of an issue and no, I will not consider doing that!

Now I know this is a divisive topic. Some people believe in reclining on planes and others are vehemently against it. I am in the farthest extreme of the latter category. If you recline on a plane with someone seated behind you, you’re an asshole — plain and simple.

Remember, I have all the reason in the world to recline. All of my limbs are tree trunks and my back always hurts from carrying around my front. I LOVE reclining. But I don’t do it on planes because I have some respect for my fellow man and the society in which we live.

“But George why don’t you just recline too, then it gives you that space back.”

Wtf did I just say? I will not force my giant, sweaty body into someone else’s zone of personal space. That’s called assault in most states.

By reclining, I’m furthering a chain reaction of reclines down the back of the plane. Odds are at least one of those people is working or reading or watching something intently and doesn’t want to recline. So now you’re inconveniencing 30+ people because you can’t stand to sit up straight like a proper adult for 3 hours.

Not to mention the flight attendants then have to come around to every single person before landing and adjust their seat for them. Those people work hard handing out small cups of juice and a dime bag of plantain chips! I don’t need to add to their plate in the name of slightly more comfort.

In summation, don’t recline on planes. You’re creating a much lower stakes version of the butterfly effect.

Btw, I snagged a pic of the dude after the flight. Tell me he wasn’t reclining with malice aforethought. Textbook douche fit: Flat brim hat that I can only assume was the Yankees, skinny jeans on a flight from Florida, an Away suitcase that costs $300 and holds 4 shirts, a neck pillow which he dumped on me at one point, and a pair of dark aviators he was wearing the ENTIRE FLIGHT. Fuck this guy.