Well known fact about me: I gamble a lot.

Other well known fact about me: I suck at it.

Luckily, I usually only bet football and the odd college basketball game, so for about half the year I’m not actively losing money. But alas, this was our first full Sunday slate of NFL football, which means your boy went a little overboard on the wagers.

As a result, I find myself in an all too familiar position: down big, Sunday scaries creeping in, and placing a desperate wager on Sunday Night Football (SNF) to bail myself out. Now historically, my strategy of max betting some sort of SNF point spread/total parlay has worked approximately 0 times.

I just end up down another $100 or so, which doesn’t matter to me because by this point in the weekend I’m so numbed up from losing and Zyn consumption that I can’t be hurt anymore.

However, I started noticing last year that every time I would put together one of these late night, have-to-have-it parlays, not only would I lose, but the exact opposite of what I bet would hit. So if I parlayed the Packers to cover the spread (win by a certain amount), and the total score to go over the projected total, the opposing team would cover the spread and the total would go under.

And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. For two days I was seeing the board shittily and placing losing bets. Of course I’m not just going to magically find my touch on the last game of the weekend.

Thus, I’ve decided to introduce the “I Suck Sunday Night Football Fade.” Every losing weekend where I have to place a hopeless parlay to dig myself out of it, I’m going to post my parlay so you all can bet against it. This is essentially a guaranteed winner so you’re welcome.

For this week 1 matchup between the Cowboys and Bucs, I have parlayed: Bucs -2.5 w/ the Under 50.5 total. So the fade to bet is:

Cowboys +2.5 & Over 50.5 total points

Pre-congratulations on your win and happy betting.