Anyone who’s lived in Massachusetts for a while knows Karson & Kennedy on MIX 104.1. They’ve been a staple radio show around here for years, and as of the last few weeks, are looking for a third, younger co-host.

Enter, your boy. (No comma has ever served a greater purpose than the one in the preceding sentence).

Anyways, I became aware of the listing thanks to my “Any job where I can bullshit all day” LinkedIn alert. Here’s what the job description looked like:

I mean the only way that could describe me better is if they added a $5,000 yearly stipend to account for gambling losses. I meet almost every listed qualification:

• ✅ Smart - Low 3’s college GPA

• ✅ Curious - They literally named an inquisitive monkey after me

• ✅ Funny - This blog/my love life

• ❌ Fearless - Heights, clowns, and sharks cost me this one

• ✅ Tech savvy - Proficient in all Microsoft Office products bitch

• ❌ Well-prepped and organized - Kind of a spur of the moment guy. It’s more organic.

• ✅ Good conversationalist and storyteller - About half of what I say is a lie

• ❌ A great listener - Great seems a bit aggressive don’t you think? I’ll get the gist of what you say to me.

• ✅ Writing/Video Skills - Again, this blog

• ✅ Passion for entertainment - One of my 4 passions, along with sports, cooking, and being a smart ass.

As you can see, I have this in the bag on personality alone. But since it’s hard for your true essence to come through via your resume, I knew I needed to show them who I am elsewhere in the application. And that’s where the cover letter comes in. I’ve copied the actual cover letter I submitted below. I’ve also annotated it with my thought process behind each part of it. The cover letter is in italics and my commentary is in bold parentheses. Let’s dive in:

To Karson and/or Kennedy,

(Subtlety neg them right away, make them want you)

I am excited to write to you today as part of my application for the on-air personality position at MIX 104.1. There are a number of assets that I feel distinguish me from the rest of the applicants for the third chair on Karson & Kennedy. I’ll list them below, in no particular order of importance:

(All business, not too much preamble, start providing value straight away. Good shit George from 5 hours ago)

1. Neither my first nor last name start with the letter ‘K’. For obvious reasons, I think you’ll want to avoid getting a third K in the mix. (Already looking out for the show’s reputation. Solving problems before they become problems)

2. I have an unparalleled ability to censor myself just before saying something that would get a heavy FCC fine levied against us. (This is a lie. I’ll drop an F bomb within 2 weeks on the job)

3. I’ve been told that I have both a voice AND face for radio, so you’re getting a 2 for the price of 1 deal here. (Little self-deprecating humor here. Gotta show that you can laugh at yourself)

4. I have little to no shame and am thus willing to share more about my life than you or the audience want to know. (Factually correct — hope this audience is ready to hear about diarrhea)

5. GREAT office morale guy. Fluent in watercooler banter and can converse easily about “that game last night.” Will also implement and be responsible for Donut Fridays. (Every office needs a glue guy. Gotta keep things light in the clubhouse and spark up weekly traditions people can look forward to. Also a good cover your own ass move. Can’t fire the guy who brings in donuts. Then there’s no more donuts)

6. Worked in the startup world for a while, so I can help promote synergy if that’s an area of concern. (I’m still not entirely sure what synergy is, but I’m really good at promoting it. Every company craves synergy)

7. Care more about attention than compensation. Cover my rent, but otherwise pay me in compliments. (Also true. I’ll die poor in money, but rich in adulation)

8. I also have college radio experience, actively work as a copywriter, and manage my own comedy blog thefattyliver.org. Probably should have led with that. (Always forget that you need to show them you have actual skills. Too few companies hire just off your ability to do bits)

I sincerely hope to hear from you soon and eagerly await your reply. (That’s just my default end of cover letter line. Was too lazy by this point to come up with something funny)

Thank you,

George Chunias (see – no K name)

(Callback joke to close it out. Demonstrates comedic understanding and timing. God I’m good).

And that’s how it’s done ladies and gents. I genuinely don’t see how I don’t at least get an interview out of this.