Phone it in Friday

December 30, 2022 George Chunias

You know what? Fuck the intro. I’m on vacation. Making these shorter also. Burning through my idea backlog here.

We should replace Miranda rights with Lin-Manuel Miranda rights. Every time a cop arrests someone they have to start rapping about the 1700s.
Sticking with the cops theme, why don’t high schoolers just have Halloween parties where everyone has to go as a cop. Would be pretty tough for the boys in blue to break that one up.
Has anyone ever invented an app that translates your texts? Like you type it in English and it gets sent to your pen-pal Giovanni in Italian? Feel like this might exist, but if not I claim it.
They should install those glass cases that fire extinguishers come in on the wall of your shower. It’s a perfect place to store your towel for those winter mornings where you’re up early and you’re shivering getting out of the shower. Towel off in there so you don’t have to deal with the cold.
A new Pixar movie called White Vans. It will exist in the Cars universe and will basically be a bunch of anthropomorphic windowless vans luring in Hot Wheels with the promise of candy. Will serve as a PSA for kids on stranger danger.
Marijuana franchises. This idea obviously exists, but I want it on the record that I wrote it down when I was 17 before this shit was super legal. Could have made a killing.

I was at the Garden to witness BC win the Beanpot back in the day. My dad and his college buddies all wanted to go out to the Garden bars for a celebratory beer. Only problem is I was 16. My dad attempted to bribe the bouncer with $3 to let me in. Didn’t work.
If I were to describe my body goals to a personal trainer, I would say that I want to be in “mow the lawn shirtless” shape.
My family went to a Mexican restaurant the other day and I wanted to make a healthy choice. I got two enchiladas instead of a possible three. I un-ironically thought that was a healthy choice.
Speaking of restaurants, me and the sibs have to literally scream at our other family members to claim their orders when the food arrives. Some poor bastard is standing their with his hand burning under a plate of fajitas and my parents don’t seem to realize that one of those dishes is theirs.
I recently read that your gut health is a big determining factor of your mental health. So much of my life makes sense now.

In hindsight, the Biggest Loser was pretty fucked up. The name itself is a wicked mean double entendre. Then they basically forced obese people to lose dangerous amounts of water weight rapidly. And all the challenges were really cruel. There was one where they put a tray of those supermarket mini-cupcakes in front of every contestant. They were all in their own cubicles so they couldn’t see each other, and the person who ate the most got immunity. Only problem is then you had to deal with Jillian Michaels degrading you for 20 minutes.
Can you insure a meth lab? Like is there a way to do that? Seems like something you would need.
Why does CVS put deodorant under lock and key? I can understand Sudafed or something, but deodorant? Is there some new TikTok trend I don’t know called Deodorizing where kids just eat the whole block of gel?
I still have all 3 of my wisdom teeth. Dentist told me to get them out 10 years ago and I just never made the appointment. Hasn’t affected me so far. Starting to think dentists are full of shit.
Why does it seem like everyone in the 70s either had too much hair or not enough? It’s all perms and combovers. No one ever had a moderate amount of hair.

Alright I’m going in the hot tub. See y’all next year.