Happy Friday! (Trying to be relatable to my audience in corporate America).

Figured everyone is busy wrapping up the work week (not me lol please hire me my insurance runs out in 3 weeks lmao), so I decided to keep the word count low in this one and give you something to watch for once. Also figured you could use an escape from a conversation that starts as you politely asking your coworker if they have any weekend plans, and somehow evolves into a 25-minute story about losing their dumb kid in a pumpkin patch.

Anyways, the videos. Everyone who knows me knows that I’m a D1 caliber athlete who would likely be in the NFL if my parents hadn’t forbade me from playing football. Apparently they were worried that I would “suffer a severe head injury that causes long-term neurological impairment.” Parents are crazy man.

Regardless, they were dead set on paying full price for my college education, so my pro career never materialized. As a result, I’ve had to turn to intramurals to literally and figuratively flex my athletic muscles. My current team is a kickball squad compromised of several friends, both new and old.

We’re called “Kicks on the Beach”, a name based off our volleyball team name “Six on the Beach,” which is a name based off the popular drink “Sex on the Beach” and/or the concept of making love on top of sand. Mmm…hot. We play on a softball field, not a beach, so the name is really only funny to us. But I digress.

Our team is actually quite talented, but occasionally the ball doesn’t roll our way. In those instances, it’s important to man up and face the media with dignity and grace. Here are my postgame pressers after two recent losses. We take the novel approach of having my roommate who is also on the team somehow be the reporter too.

These are 100% off the cuff, improvised, one-take videos. We both have the respective cadences down from years of watching way too much of this shit.

Oh and there’s a team referenced in both videos called “The Gay Agenda.” They named themselves that and are predominantly gay so don’t try to cancel me. Gotta say though, absolute chess move of a name by them. No one wants to say the sentence, “We did it! We finally beat the Gay Agenda.”

I’m more afraid of cancel culture than I am losing. Anyways, enjoy the vids and enjoy your weekend!