Alright so I’m in an Irish pub the other day with the lads and lasses, putting back a few Irish stouts (passionfruit martinis called Porn Stars) and loudly mentioning I went abroad to Ireland in case any of the servers were interested (they weren’t), when all of a sudden the live entertainment starts up.

In true Irish fashion, the guy showed up and started playing in a dimly lit, unoccupied corner of the bar with no announcement of his presence. Though if he was a true Irish musician he would have shown up without the bar’s knowledge or approval, and played the fiddle somberly with the expectation of a free pint.

As far as I could tell over the crowd noise, he was playing mostly modern day pop songs and one weird, acoustic cover of a Wheatus duet where he sang both parts, but no traditional Irish songs.

This surprised me as the several times I had been to this pub before to sadly drink Guinness and eat fries smothered in gravy, all the while pretending I was waiting to meet someone there, the musician had pretty much exclusively played the music of the old country.

Now for context, I LOVE Irish music. Not because I particularly like the sound or its ability to make people drinking alone during the daytime somehow feel worse about life, but because the themes of the song are so sad that it’s laugh out loud, next level funny. Irish history is so bleak, and though it’s a wonderful place with spirited people and much to offer, their songs choose only to dwell on the negatives. The Other Guys noticed this comedic quirk as well:

So inspired by my travels and passion for overtly depressing lyricism, I decided I had to write a sad Irish folk album of my own. I won’t sing them or even provide lyrics, for each song is so soul-wrenching that even uttering a single verse would make an angel kill itself.

But with that sufficiently morbid and dreary introduction, I give you the track list for my debut Irish folk album:

The Last Potato in Limerick

Track List:

1. The Last Potato in Limerick (Title Track)

2. The River Lee Runs Red with Blood (feat. Machine Gun Kelly)

• Surprisingly easy to get MGK to feature on this album. Most of his verses are about hating his mansion and how rich and good looking he is or how he’s engaged to the hottest woman ever. He’s kind of a bummer honestly. But it’s still a great honor he collaborated with us.

3. All Me Cows Died of Cholera

4. The Stillborn Son of Kinsale (also feat. Machine Gun Kelly)

• Didn’t even ask for a feature here — he just never left the studio.

5. Galway Girl

• (Some of these are plagiarized. Gotta think Sheeran’s lawyers will be on my ass shortly).

6. The Irish Control the Media (written by Kanye West)

• Sorry about this. Only way we could get a major label behind the album. I don’t think Kanye even knows who he’s mad at anymore.

Interlude: 12 minutes of argument between two guys in a pub with accents you can’t understand, yelling about a sport that doesn’t exist

7. Castle on the Hill (feat. a Cease & Desist notice from Ed Sheeran’s lawyers)

• Yep there it is. We got served the paperwork in the middle of recording this one. Told the process server I’d only accept it if he got in the booth and laid a few tracks down. Nice dude. Think his name was Connor. I actually never caught his name, but odds are it’s Connor.

8. Some shit Bono and U2 forced onto the album

• Apparently Bono has Prima Nocta on any Irish album. I tried to take the song off but it’s like embedded into the album. Try to skip it, you literally can’t.

9. Oh, fuck off! (set to the tune of Shake it Off)

10. Sheeran my Sheep

• Anddddd they’re formally filing suit. Played with fire and I got burnt. That’s on me — this biz will teach you some rough lessons. Btw I was right that process server’s name is Connor, I just checked.

11. Stoned in Blarney

• Little homage to one of Ireland’s greatest attractions. Fun fact: the workers piss on the Blarney Stone after visiting hours. You may want to get tested.

12. Immigrant Song (feat. Connor the Process Server)

• Turns out Led Zeppelin is represented by the same firm as Ed Sheerhan. Makes the trial logistics a lot easier at least.

Artist’s note: Thank you guys so much for supporting my art. I expect the album to drop in the spring of 2034, but we’re hoping to move that up to capitalize on the momentum of the 2032 Olympic Games in Australia. Finally, I don’t have a Soundcloud operational yet as this album was made entirely on a handheld tape recorder, so in lieu of that, donate to the March of Dimes or some shit idk.