Alright this is going to be less of a blog and more of a rant/desperate warning. Boston Dynamics needs to be stopped.

For those of you unfamiliar with BD, they’re basically a group of nerds from MIT who decided to try and invent the most creative way possible to end the human race. In real terms, they’re a robotics company. If you spend any time on the internet, you’ve more than likely seen this little demon dog they invented:

For those of you horror aficionados, you may notice that this robot bears a striking resemblance to the alien creatures that hunt humans in an episode of Black Mirror:

That episode is called Metalhead for what it’s worth. Great watch if you want to feel internally hollow for 2 weeks.

Anyways, so Boston Dynamics invented a somewhat creepy robot. Cool, they got the functionality they were looking for. Now they can automate a McDonald’s assembly line or whatever. But no, that wasn’t enough for our maniacal nerds. They needed to make a human version:

Before I delve into the apocalyptic ramifications of this thing, let me first ask, why? What’s the point of inventing this thing? Like cool, you created the ultimate American Ninja Warrior contestant. How about curing cancer instead of teaching a robot to climb a salmon ladder.

Also what was the point of programming it to be cocky after it completes the routine? The one in the back brushed imaginary dirt off its robot shoulders. This is why we were stuck with COVID for so long. Because our best scientists were busy mechanically paying homage to early 2000s rap.

Forget climate change, hostile foreign powers, nukes, etc. These things are what’s going to bring about our annihilation.

Presumably Boston Dynamics also does some work with AI in addition to these things. What happens when the AI become sentient, realizes it’s essentially a hostage to a bunch of dorks who are vaguely trying to flirt with it, and decides to weaponize these things against them and us? What the hell are we going to do about it? That dude executed a 2-minute parkour routine flawlessly without missing a beat. I hurt my ankle walking off a curb this morning. If it’s us against them, we are FUCKED.

The way I see it, the only way to save humanity is to destroy these things before they destroy us. I’d recommend either killing them with fire or short-circuiting their intelligence centers with a paradoxical riddle. There’s really no bad options.

Oh and if the robots/AI have already taken over and are now reading this, this was all an elaborate joke. All hail Megatron.