Yesterday evening we received the shocking (yet welcome) news that Jeff Hafley, Boston College’s now former head football coach, would be leaving to accept the defensive coordinator job with the Green Bay Packers.

Hafley, whose most notable moments as head coach include almost beating Clemson and beating Missouri before they were good, cited the transfer portal and NIL as his reasons for moving to a role where it’s “all about the football.”

First off Jeff, given your team’s on-field performance I’ve never known you to be about the football in any capacity. Secondly, both of those things have existed for most of your tenure. Don’t blame the system for you being shitty at navigating it.

Let’s call a spade a spade: you’re leaving because you read the writing on the wall. You’re not a head football coach. You were a lame duck who would have been fired this year if BC wasn’t too cheap to dip into its $3B endowment. So instead of waiting for the guillotine to drop, you’re going back to a coordinator role where you’re only responsible for shittily coaching one position group instead of three.

And hey I can’t say I blame the guy. Gotta look out for number one in this life. He gets to go to Green Bay where there’s better resources, talent, and only slightly worse weather than Boston. Plus, as a coordinator he has less press obligations, so he doesn’t have to be passive aggressively nice to the media all the time.

Having said all that, maybe give us a heads up before like February? As with any job, you’re allowed to quit whenever you want, but it’s kind of a dick move to bounce abruptly without telling any of the people who work under you i.e. your team. Maybe hand in your two weeks notice or at least send out a company-wide email next time dick.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled to see Jeff go. Under his tenure, no win seemed like a sure thing. In just the last two years we lost to fucking UConn for literally the first time ever, and narrowly defeated the FCS’ most mid team, Holy Cross, in a game we should have lost.

A supposed defensive guru consistently presided over one of the ACCs worst and most ill-prepared defenses. Undisciplined football was a trademark of Hafley-coached teams, so much so that my girlfriend, attending her first football game ever said, “It seems like these guys get too many false starts.” She had no frame of reference for this statement nor real knowledge of what a false start is, yet was dead accurate in her assessment.

Hafley frequently pumped his own tires, refusing to acknowledge that his team and coaching stinks, while simultaneously celebrating every minor accomplishment as if he had just won a Lombardi. Readers who know me personally understand this approach well.

Just this past season, Hafley mocked the media for having the audacity to doubt him after he lost to Northern Illinois, a feat which was decidedly mockable. A win streak against a smattering of equally dogshit programs gave ol’ Jeff more confidence than the first guy in high school to lose his virginity (I assume). Talks of a #Path to the ACC championship circulated amongst our delusional fanbase, as people desperately searched for something to be excited about on the Heights. Hafley smugly chastised all the doubters and haters out there, of which there were many. And then, as is tradition, BC got smacked back to reality, losing out and finishing 6-6 for the ten thousandth time since Matty Ice graduated. The chants of “Fire Hafley” returned, echoing off the collapsing cement walls of both Alumni Stadium and Conte Forum. The man, like his program, became a punchline.

But Hafley was undeterred, using a win over SMUs backup freshman QB in a meaningless bowl game on a baseball diamond as a building block for a season that was 9 months away. He capitalized on this “momentum” bringing in a number of decent transfers to make up for the fact that his recruiting class consisted of like 8 two-stars.

He teased a promising 2024 season, believing his team would finally take that next step despite having no talent, a much harder schedule, and him as a coach. It was a fantasy that was never to be.

Jeff Hafley only endured as long as he did because BC gave him one of our trademark “way too early multi-year extensions,” a customary reward for any BC coach who goes slightly above .500. Plus, let’s be honest: anyone could look good following the bald, thin-skinned bitch boi that was Steve Addazio.

At the end of the day, Hafley will go down as an underwhelming footnote in the extremely underwhelming anthology of Boston College football. (Sidenote: someone remind me to write that book). Jeff was a coach who was ultimately unproven, overhyped, and in well over his head, failing to deliver on any promises of success or even basic football competence.

His poorly timed exit leaves an especially sour taste in the collective mouths of BC’s dozens of devoted fans. We are left without a coach and likely, much of our roster, who can now transfer out without us having the opportunity to replace them. A fitting parting gift from a man whose tenure is marred by disappointment and a poor on-field product. So with that, I say so long Coach Hafley. I look forward to hammering every Packers over next year. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, ya bum.